What Were You Expecting? First Words for New Parents

The “Duck Test” (If it looks like a duck, swims like a duck, and quacks like a duck, then it probably is a duck.) could erroneously be applied to What Were You Expecting? First Words for New Parents because it does look like a board book for wee ones. Physically, the book’s pages have been pasted on the heavy cardboard normally associated with board books. As well, it has a very simple, repeated “This is...” text (“This is a skunk.”) that is accompanied by a cartoon image that represents the named object, in this instance, a black and white mammal. Given the book’s subtitle, the obviously conclusion is that this board book is intended to be a primer of sorts for new parents, one suggesting some of the first words these novice caregivers could introduce in building their offsprings’ vocabularies.

And if a basic concept board book was what you were expecting this board book to be, then you would be wrong, with the cover illustration being the first hint that you were being misled. Though the image is obviously that of a mobile, the kind that parents typically hang above a child’s crib, some of the items, like the spilling “coffee” cup, the “full” diaper, and the “wine” bottle, just don’t belong.

And then there’s the book’s title. At one level, it could simply be read as the question that yields a “boy” or “girl” reply. However, it can also be seen as the bigger question of, “OK, what did you, you first-time parents, anticipate parenting an infant would be like?” And if their responses were all “sunshine and roses”, then Spires, with the assistance of Cho’s art, is going to provide a reality check in the form of a secondary text, one directed at the adult reader. For example, while babies have that delightful “new car” smell about them, Spires’ “This is a skunk” text is accompanied by the tell-it-like-it-is wording, “It smells a bit like...Oh, come on! We JUST changed you.” Similarly, the “This is a whale” child’s line has a Cho illustration showing a whale spouting and the adult text, “Thar she blows. Just like you down the front of my shirt. Again.” In addition to a baby’s noxious odors and unwanted upchucks, Spires connects an owl to a baby’s being awake at all hours, a unicorn to the rareness of couple’s finding alone time, a house to the necessity of having to remortgage it in order to pay for daycare, a milk bottle to the drinking the parents will be driven to, and a rooster that unfortunately the baby auditorily resembles at 4 a.m..

Spires’ tone changes dramatically following the skunk page. To that point, Spires has been humourously pointing out some of negatives of becoming a parent. Now he becomes serious, and the Cho illustration that follows is that of a red fox all curled up, with the child text reading, “This is sleep.” The adult text says, “The singular thing that would make you cuter.” And even a potentially noisy toy gets a softer response: “If it makes you happy, it makes us happy, too...we guess.” The story’s ending tends towards becoming a bedtime tale as the silvery moon appears against the “soft blue glow” of a nighttime sky as the parents “watch you nod off.” In the penultimate spread, the text reads: “This is family”, and Cho portrays a pair of adult penguins with their young penguin safely nested between them. “This is the whole world” says the parent text. The final spread, with a sleeping little penguin, reads “Goodnight, little one.” Lest readers get too misty-eyed at the warm and fuzzy ending, the author illustrator pair throw in a final reality check on one of the “endpapers”, something that any parent who has spent seemingly hours trying to get a child to sleep will immediately recognize. Cho offers up a crowing rooster while Spires “shouts”, “OH, THAT SON OF A...”.

The board book is “Dedicated to all new parents who need to laugh just to keep from crying.” What Were You Expecting? First Words for New Parents would make a fun baby shower gift for tyro parents while experienced parents at the shower could add their own horror tales to the book’s contents. The book’s primary text is meant for children, and they cannot be overlooked as part of the book’s audience with the adult reading mediator skipping the “editorial” content aimed at her/him. A pair of spreads following the “This is a house” spread have parent text only, and readers will have to figure out how they will manage those four pages when reading the book to their child.