Catch and Release
Catch and Release
Four months into seeing Dr. Franklin, while I was at a volleyball team fundraiser my sister was running at the high school, I ran into Angela Damon by the bathroom where I used to have my paroxysms. She wanted to meet up, for coffee, or for dinner. She gave me her number and told me to give her a call, or to send her a message. I wanted to. But I decided that I wouldn’t. I couldn’t. I was doing so poorly, but at the same time I was doing so much better than I had been. As much as I missed her, I knew that I didn’t want whatever scraps of affection I could get from her more than I wanted to be a calm, stable, grown-up university student at the cusp of her twenties, who wasn’t sad all the time or constantly fending off anxiety attacks or always feeling like she was a thousand different people all caught up in one evolving body of suicidal teenage sameness.
I knew I shouldn’t have. I wasn’t planning to. But three weeks later, after Adèle cancelled one of our coffee dates because Liam was sick, I came across a note that Angela Damon had given me at the end of ninth grade, telling me I was passionate and curious and beautiful and to have a nice summer. I knew I shouldn’t have. It was a bad idea. But I messaged her. It took her less than a minute to reply.
The opening lines of Liana Cusmano’s Catch and Release read like a romance novel: Lucca is taking part in an international filmmaking program for university students at the Cannes Film Festival when she sees Adèle. Lucca is drawn to her like a moth to a flame, hanging on her every word, and there to offer Adèle support whether she’s sick or fighting with her boyfriend. As their friendship develops, Lucca begins to wonder whether she likes Adèle as a friend, or something more. As Lucca accepts her bisexuality, a figure from her past reappears, causing old memories to resurface in a different light.
During her teens, Angela Damon was Lucca’s teacher, biggest fan, and mentor. Picking up where they left off, Angela helps Lucca recover from heartbreak and reclaims her place as Lucca’s most stable support. When they become romantically involved, Lucca’s initial endorphin rush is replaced by difficult questions: did Angela Damon really think she was special in school, or was she grooming Lucca? She begins to spiral into self-doubt and depression. Therapy seems to make it worse. As they unpack Lucca’s teenage friendship with Angela, Lucca begins to question whether she was ever worthy of praise, or if Angela was using praise to manipulate and groom Lucca. At her therapist’s suggestion, she severs ties with Angela. Struggling with the void left by Angela, it takes more than one time before Lucca removes Angela from her life. While Angela is gone physically, Lucca’s feelings and memories are harder to erase. The more Lucca thinks about the past and questions her worth, the more she considers ending her life to end the pain that keeps resurfacing.
As Lucca works through her past and deals with her present, she spends a great deal of time considering ways to end her pain, thinking about what it would be like to vanish, and thinking of ways she could end her life. The rapid first-person narrative bringing the reader into Lucca’s sometimes obsessive thinking and the success of the narration could be harmful to readers who have experienced suicidal thoughts. It may be helpful to attach a message about reaching out if you need help, along with contact information for Kids Help Phone and a local helpline if available, before adding Catch and Release to a collection or classroom shelf.
Catch and Release is a fast-paced, intense read. Readers will relate to Lucca’s rush of emotions when she meets Adèle, as well as her heartbreak when rejected; they’ll feel her frustration at plans not working out as she’d imagined and will relate to her constant questioning of who she is and what her future holds. Her struggles to understand who she really is and where her life is going are relatable at any age, but especially for teens trying to navigate the path from childhood to adulthood. With a warning that the content could be triggering for some, Catch and Release is an excellent read that will foster empathy for Lucca, and show readers the importance of treating themselves with the same kindness and care they would others.
Crystal Sutherland (MLIS, MEd (Literacy)) is a government librarian living in Halifax, Nova Scotia.