Sadie
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Sadie
When I was seven, and Mattie was one, she whispered my name.
I was her first word.
When Mattie was seven days old, and I was six, I stood over her crib and listened to her breathing, watching the rise and fall of her tiny chest. I pressed my palm against it and I felt myself through her. She was breathing, alive.
And I was too.
Langford is miles behind me, a place called Farfield in my sights. Keith is there, Ellis told me. Last I heard from him, he was there. I don’t know if he’s called the police or warned Keith since I left, but any head start I had for myself is gone by now. I lost it when I realized I’d left my photo in Keith’s room. My stomach turned and then it turned again and next thing I knew, I was jerking the car onto the shoulder and then I was out of the car and on my knees, on the ground, throwing up bile into the dirt.
I can’t seem to get back inside the car.
I crouch back on my heels and wipe my mouth on my sleeve. I dig into my bag and find the IDs, the tags, and sit there with them, spread them out on the side of the road. It feels wrong to have them together. I separate his faces from their names.
I don’t want to take them with me.
They’re too heavy to carry.
When I was eleven, and Mattie was five, I didn’t sleep for a year. Keith and Mom would come home so late from the bar—him sober, her wasted—neither of them trying to be quiet, but her especially. I’d listen to her shuffling steps to the bedroom, to the clatter of Keith tidying up the kitchen, and when all that sound was gone, I knew what would happen next and I knew what would happen if I refused. If it wasn’t me, he’d go to Mattie unless I said, W—wait…
Wait.
Until one night, I couldn’t.
And I’d had the knife that night, had it tucked under my pillow, my fingers clutched around it and instead of doing what I should have, I sent him to her. The next morning, Keith was gone, and the dirty shame of my weakness was all over me and I think Mattie sensed it somehow, that there was some part of me that had given her up, that I couldn’t protect her.
I held on tighter to prove myself wrong.
I felt her breathing, alive.
And I was too.
When Mattie was ten, and I was sixteen, Mom left and took Mattie’s heart with her. Mattie spent every night crying herself awake and was it really so bad, Mattie, just the two of us together?
And then that postcard—
Mattie came back to me with her heart in her hands, there, breathing, alive…
And I was too.
When I was nineteen and Mattie was thirteen, Keith came back.
Guess who I saw, she’d announced, still angry, always angry for the lengths I wouldn’t go for Mom, and never seeing the ones I went to for her. I told him about Mom. He said he’d take me to L.A., to find her. And I asked her who she thought raised her, because in that moment, it couldn’t have been me.
When Mattie was thirteen, and I was nineteen, she crept away into the night, to the truck parked under the streetlight on a corner in Cold Creek, and climbed into the passenger’s side. I don’t know what happened next. If, when the apple orchard appeared on the horizon to make the growing space between us, she finally felt the distance and changed her mind. If Keith wouldn’t let her change her mind, and dragged her, kicking and screaming out of the truck and between the trees, where he had her, breathing and alive, until she wasn’t.
And I wasn’t.
I am going to kill a man.
“I am,” I whisper into the ground, over and over again.
I am, I am, I am.
I have to.
I’m going to kill the man who killed my sister.
And I’m not leaving the side of the road until I can make myself believe it.
Sadie has had to grow up fast. By the age of 19, she has been raising her sister alone for three years in small town Colorado, after her drug-addicted mother left without so much as a goodbye. And that’s not counting the years she raised her sister while her mother was still in the picture, whilst having to dodge the string of men her mother would bring into their world. When 13-year-old Mattie is found dead, Sadie’s life crumbles. After a police investigation concludes without justice being served, Sadie decides to take matters into her own hands, following the few clues she has as to the whereabouts of the person she believes to be the number one suspect, one of her mother’s former boyfriends, Keith.
Feeling the deep loss of both Mattie and Sadie, the girls’ surrogate grandmother, May Beth Foster calls up big city podcaster West McCray, desperate for help in locating Sadie and getting to the bottom of Mattie’s death, because, as she puts it, she “can’t take another dead girl”. Told in alternating chapters, the book traces Sadie’s journey for the truth and the written transcript of McCray’s podcast, The Girls, as he follows the breadcrumbs that Sadie leaves behind on her journey to retribution.
Sadie is Canadian author Courtney Summers’ latest offering for Wednesday Books. Summers is well-known for her gritty, realistic, and relatable young adult novels, and Sadie certainly lives up to her reputation. Summers ties in the growing popularity of true crime podcasts to tell the story of sisters Sadie and Mattie, coupling West McCray’s podcast episodes with Sadie’s first-person narration to weave a well-rounded tale. The podcast unravels Sadie’s story through interviews of those close to her, those she interacted with during her search for her sister’s killer, and McCray’s narration of his investigation. The chapters containing the podcast transcript enhance the reader’s experience by building upon and offering both complementary and differing perspectives of what Sadie did, said, thought, and experienced, as detailed in the chapters containing her first-person narration. Those looking to take their experience of this book to the next level can find The Girls podcast online, in audio format, and can listen to it on their preferred podcast app. An avid listener of true crime podcasts, myself, I found the chapters containing the podcast episodes to be realistic and engaging, reminiscent of haunting podcasts such as Serial and CBC’s Someone Knows Something.
Sadie is Summers’ sixth novel. Summers’ is known for writing strong female characters, and this book definitely fits the bill. Whilst all of her books have determined, strong females as the main protagonist, each of Summers’ books is distinct and consists of several layered themes. Her characters are multidimensional, imperfect, and they face complicated, real-life problems, making them relatable to readers. Teens are likely to make connections to Sadie and her relationship with her sister, developing empathy along the way.
This book is a coming-of-age novel that covers many relevant themes that teens are likely to relate to and find appealing. Summers explores aspects of family dynamics, friendships, identity, mental health, growth and change, death, and substance, child, physical, and sexual abuse. The themes are woven together artfully, creating a realistic, unique, and well-rounded novel like no other. As some of the themes could be triggering for some readers, some pre-teaching, as well as discussion throughout and after reading would be beneficial, particularly when used in the classroom setting. As with Summers’ other books, Sadie’s plot does not follow a predictable format and certainly does not wrap up tidily with a nice red bow. This makes for an engaging, heart-pounding read.
Sadie is a masterfully crafted novel, filled with realistic and multidimensional characters and an unpredictable plot. The book delves into some important themes that are relevant to young adults, and the style of the book is unique and attention capturing. For these reasons, I believe that this book would be an important and well-loved addition to any classroom, school, or home library.
Chasity Findlay is a graduate of the Master of Education program in Language and Literacy at the University of Manitoba and an avid reader of young adult fiction.